Having it happen in secret makes me feel like a failure. Lots of things have been happening in secret.
What am I, if not a part of that other life. I only get half of you, not all of you. I will forever be left out unless I change myself and I am not changing because I would be a walking lie. It’s not who I am. It’s not who I was when we met and it’s not me now.

Now I look to the future of building a good honest life with calculated risks, not risky behaviour that could jeopardise the future of the life I want to live.

I sit at home and cry. I am so lonely.